Grace:
We build on Christ but live and die by grace. I am a creature of grace. Grace is the backbone of my theology and the call that brings me back to Christ no matter how far I wander. On my best days I am reminded no amount of good works or success can overcome the sins I am stained by. To strive for perfection, without recognizing my own imperfection and need for grace, would have me replace Christ with worship of myself. If I do not recognize my sins, I can never appreciate the debt I owe Christ, and the bond I have with the rest of God’s creation. However, I do not dwell on my sins or engage in self-pity.
Through Christ, I experience grace which cleanses my sins and enables me to follow his example so I might know God and be more loving and just to God’s children.
No matter what happens or how fallen the world seems, sin does not have the final word. Through grace all are saved, yet none can deserve or work for grace. To be offered grace when we have done nothing to deserve it is the gift of Christ and the light which moves us to follow his example. God is the shelter from the storm, the ultimate assurance that what we experience in any one moment is not final or an end.
When I judge others or deem myself to be better than them, or feel assured of my salvation, I fail to offer a portion of the grace I have received. If Christ died for me despite all my sins, how can I withhold love, compassion, and community from any of God’s children? If there is judgement or some divine justice, it will come. It is not my job or my place to judge or divide. Through grace I come to know and love Christ. Through Christ I am brought closer to God. I cannot deserve this love that cleanses my sins. The very notion of being forgiven moves me to make this world a kinder, gentler place.
Through grace I am freed of the hatred, jealousy, fear, and lust that would have me view others as my enemies or people I am better than. Even on my best day I am no better than the lowest wretch, just as on my worst day I am not beyond love or salvation. Through grace I embrace a call to be a healer in a fallen world, a shelter against all that divides and wounds. I preach about the life of Christ and the love of God so all might come to know the significance of the salvation they have been granted.
Theodicy:
I have been on the scene for many people’s worst days. I have seen families torn apart by disagreements over vaccines, even as they sat at the bedside of loved ones dying of Covid-19. I have sat with families as they held the hands of loved ones who looked alive, but were declared brain dead, and prayed with them as they made the decision to remove life support. I met with countless patients dealing with the aftermath of strokes, trying to regain functions they lost in a moment. I comforted a toddler and baby for three hours so their mother could be treated for domestic abuse. I have known death and walked along side God’s children through each of these moments where it is fair to ask, “Why did God let this happen? Where is God now?” I believe the answer to that question is found by looking around.
God shows up as the janitors who were called to clean the puddles of blood that built up on the floors of the ER after gunshot victims were brought in. Most people would look at the blood or the bullet and link them to God. Some would attribute the violence to God’s action or inaction. Yet, God did not make the bullet. God did not fire the gun. God created a world of rich bounties and endowed humans with free will so we might help or destroy ourselves. The metal used for bullets could have been used for syringes in the hospital. Yet every bullet comes with a band-aid, with the peacekeepers and others who risk their lives, heeding Christ’s example to give of themselves, so the world might not end in violence and suffering.
Pastoral Care:
I will never forget the moment I prayed with a woman who had just killed someone. Earlier that day, while she was driving impaired, she had swerved and hit a person on the side of the road, killing them. Although she survived the crash, she was injured and had to be taken to the hospital. Since she would likely be taken to jail after she recovered, she was monitored by police while in the ICU. That night, while I was doing my rounds, I got a call from the ICU, requesting a pastoral visit. When I figured out, I was being asked to visit this woman, I was terrified. I worried I would be unable to sit by her without judging her for what had happened. I felt like Jonah in that moment, wanting God to send anyone else. But I was the only chaplain there. So, I went.
This was the first and only time thus far I have felt the Holy Spirit move through me. As soon as I entered the woman’s room, I felt an unnatural calm wash over me. In that moment, I stopped worrying about what I would say or how I would react. I made my way to her bedside, asked if I could hold her hand, and listened as she laid her soul bare. She spoke of the grief and tremendous guilt she was feeling, the horror of taking another’s life and feeling like she could not be forgiven, that her life was over. As she said all his, I felt God’s presence in the room, an encompassing love that promised this was not the end. Then I found my words. I named her pain and grief as the care she feels for life and the recognition that what she had done cannot be undone. But I assured her this was not the end. I told her, “No matter what may be decided or happen, you are a child of God, and you are forgiven. Nothing you have done can distance you from the love of God.”
I think about that woman nearly every day, and I pray the world is gentle to her. I do not know what happened to her afterwards, but I suspect she cannot go anywhere without being judged, or only known by that one moment. But if anyone else was there in that moment, they would have seen the embodiment of grace. It is an easy thing to talk about, but that was the first time I truly felt it. To see someone at the lowest of lows, to watch them deal with a load and pain I cannot imagine, that is where Christ shows up. That is where I am called to be.
Pastoral Authority:
This was the hardest section to write. I understand the role of pastors and recognize we cannot do our work without divine and community sanction. However, every time I think of pastoral authority, I am reminded of all those who have abused their sacred trust. I am reminded I took this call in response to spiritual and emotional damage caused to friends, family members, and acquaintances who left the church. I must admit I worry about contributing to the harm caused by the church. I know that is why I shy away from talking about authority. I do not want to be mistaken for the voice of God or to be glorified. I took this call so I could serve God’s children, not be served or elevated. Without Christ I am just a flawed man. Through Christ I can be a shepherd of the flock.
While I was writing this section, I found inspiration in the words of Henri J.M. Nouwen. In his text, “The Living Reminder Service and Prayer in Memory of Jesus Christ,” he says:
“In order to be a living reminder of the Lord, we must walk in his presence as Abraham did. To walk in the presence of the Lord means to move forward in life in such a way that all our desires, thoughts, and actions are constantly guided by him. When we walk in the Lord’s presence, everything we see, hear, touch, or taste reminds us of him. This is what is meant by a prayerful life. It is not a life in which we say many prayers, but a life in which nothing, absolutely nothing, is one, said, or understood independently of him who is the origin and purpose of our existence.”
These words found me when I needed them most. As I prayed on this, I remembered the journey that has led to here and realized how much I have changed. When I took my call, I knew I wanted to lead a church, but I was too full of myself to be able to do the work of God. I had to empty my ego and open my heart and mind to let God guide me where I was needed. After graduating college, I was already tired of school, but I realized this next step was not about me.
I did not go to seminary to study whatever interested me. I spent every semester dedicating myself to classes, relations, worship opportunities, and internships that would prepare me to serve God’s people. I did not know how to pray, so I did CPE and through the turbulence of non-stop crises learned to point to God’s presence in every place. I did not know how to preach or teach the Bible, so I had to learn by doing pulpit supply, leading adult bible studies, and using LEGO’s and crafts to teach the Bible to kids. Most importantly, I did not know how to love, so I had to cool the flames of youth and learn to see God’s work and care in everyone, especially those I disagreed with or had wronged me. I am a pastor because I want my life’s work to be Christ’s work. I realize everyone does not have a chance to attend seminary, so I carry all I have learned so I might be an overflowing vessel to fill all who desire to be full.
Salvation, Heaven, Hell:
I refuse to believe any loving Creator would offer free will and then offer eternal punishment when we came up short. I can agree to disagree on everything else, but I cannot accept a God who sends Their Children to Hell. If God loved Their Son enough to sacrifice them for the salvation of all sinners, how can any sinner be too distant from the grace and love of God? Faith is not sufficient if it is just known as human faith. None can know whether someone has faith or determine the extent of their faith. To focus on whether someone is saved is to distract from the work of Christ, which is to live in the now and avoid being overly concerned with judging or bringing justice down upon our neighbors. To focus on Heaven or Hell is to ignore the reality that life in an imperfect world is Hell. We do not need to believe in or even speak of Hell because we are in Hell so long as we reside in a fallen world. However, since nothing is beyond God, we escape the Hell of this imperfect reality by striving to follow Christ and experience God’s Kingdom on earth. Through faith, we strive for this Kingdom, believing Christ’s example will reveal a community and life God calls us to live for.
Hell is collective. If Heaven is community, Hell is separation, distance from God and others. Just as all sin brings us further from God and leads to the ripples that manifest as all corruption, illness, and disarray; following Christ brings us away from such things. Hell is often unknown because we focus on individuals, rather than appreciating we are all in Hell together if any one person is in Hell. The greatest error is to focus on only our sins, or the sins of others, without recognizing all share blame for the ills of the world. In our pursuit of heaven, we escape Hell by coming together to know the community Christ invites us to. We are doomed to cycles of suffering if we follow paths that ignore God.
Yet, since all know Hell, none can be denied Heaven. We experience this suffering together, and from it we can love one another more fully by appreciating how our collective sin prevents any from being perfect or separated from the pain we have brought on others. God’s work is transforming all things into goodness, so even sin and suffering cannot have the final word. To believe in Hell as eternal punishment is to buy into a human desire for punishment and a certainty that some cannot be saved, without appreciating that, since we are all imperfect, none except Christ can expect life in Heaven if Hell is a possibility. Since we cannot have a perfect faith, not even faith will suffice, because all will falter and fall, and for their imperfect faith find themselves judged, if that is the standard that is desired. There is either heaven for all, or Hell for all.
The Trinity - God
God is the creator of everything. One who cannot be fully known or understood. All attempts to define or know God arise from desire to own or wield God for one’s purposes, hence God’s insistence Their followers refrain from idolatry, especially depictions of Them. God is known through the life and ministry of Their Son Jesus. By offering Their Son for everyone’s sins, God revealed how lives of faith enable all to partake in the gift of salvation Christ made possible through his death. God is perfect. They are omnipotent, omniscient, not bound by time or history. They are active and present in all places and people. Christ and the Holy Spirit point to God’s presence, without profaning God by having the divine confined and diluted by human desires to own God for selfish purposes. God is the great mystery that refuses to be known yet is never distant or silent.
There is no white, sandal-wearing man in the sky. God is not white, nor are They a man. I would go as far as to suggest God does not even look human. Although we are said to be made in God's image, I suspect that is a metaphor for the entirety of creation, rather than a divine preference for humans. Trying to figure out what God looks like misses the point. God’s image is not a picture or a figure; it is a manifestation of being, the infinite fullness that encompasses all without being defined by any.
God is not just of a planet or of this universe, They are everything, capable of making anything possible, without needing to take credit for their work. That is the fullness of Their being, the overwhelming complexity of all the factors that make existence even possible, coupled with seemingly minuscule things that God holds as equally important.
The Trinity - Jesus:
Jesus is the only Son of God and is how we know God. Through his ministry, Christ revealed what God calls us to aspire to, so we might live against a world that would profane and ignore God. Even though we cannot match his perfection and will always be brought low by our sins, Christ saves us from being defined by our sins. Through his sacrifice we are saved by a grace that could only be achieved by the selfless sacrifice of one who could not be touched by sin but died so all stained by sin might not be doomed. Any goodness we attain as Christians reflects success at following Christ.
Although he was born to a colonized people, Jesus rose above the bitterness and despair that has often destroyed the oppressed. He articulated truth in a matter that exposed all hypocrisy and lies yet loved with a tenderness that made all believe love and meekness could triumph in an empire where neither was encouraged. He was the stranger who subverted all expectations, leaving all who have come after questioning their comfort and certainty. Only Christ, one who is fully human and fully divine could speak truth and reveal God’s work, so all who follow Christ might know his is the final call to salvation, not the beckoning of a prophet. All who come after Christ know Christ as the Way.
We do not see Christ as separate from God or the Word because the Trinity is the Three in One; God in God’s majesty, the life and resurrection of Christ, and the truth brought through disciples moved by the Holy Spirit. We know all Christ did and does is God in action, God in human form, living and dying so we might be saved and be greater than our sins. The Trinity is inseparable. Christianity cannot exist without Christ and the Holy Spirit because they are the only way to be justified by faith and saved without being judged by our inability to follow the Law. Through faith we believe Christ is the Son of God. Through faith we believe the Holy Spirit moves through us so the Church might have truth and be held together by imperfect believers who can do God’s work if they maintain faith and follow Christ. Without Christ’s life and death, none can be saved because we will only be our sins.
The Trinity - The Holy Spirit:
I affirm the Holy Spirit because it is all that maintains truth and enables disciples to continue the ministry of Christ. It maintains the power and authority of the gospels. The Holy Spirit moved through the Disciples with their tongues of Fire and brought the gentiles into the fold, showing truth beyond the Law, so all might know God through Christ’s ministry and the ministry of those disciples who followed his example. Through the Holy Spirit we know God is always present and speaking through and beyond what is visible or known. Through the Holy Spirit even other religions can have some truth because the Holy Spirit works through all to bring people to God.
While Jesus is exclusively part of Christianity, and God is shared by the trio of Abrahamic religions, the Holy Spirit exists in every faith. The Holy Spirit is the glue that holds all humans together, even though we rarely recognize it. The Holy Spirit is the essential element that reveals common ground. While I do not believe other religions are wrong, I suspect they are manifestations of the work of the Holy Spirit that exist to make faith complex, rather than easy.
Although some Christians might view diversity and divisions of belief as a threat to the legitimacy of our beliefs, I recognize diversity as truth expressed through the infinite workings of the Holy Spirit through all people, in all places and times. The only difference is, as Christians, all truths and revelations of the Holy Spirit are examined through the ministry and resurrection of Christ. However, since God can only be known through the life and death of Christ, all truth that comes outside of Christianity is incomplete if it does not lead to God. Therefore, the Holy Spirit justifies work with other faith communities, especially work for justice and peace, as guards against idolatry and complacency. By engaging with non-Christians, we, as Christians, must constantly develop and reevaluate theology and church history to present the Good News to each generation.
Sacraments - Baptism
Baptism is the way in which we, as Christians, are separated from the world and marked as followers of Christ. Baptism is the starting point, the foundation of faith for all Christians. For infant baptism, a congregation and parents understand the infant’s path to salvation does not end there. Although most baptisms are infant baptisms, these baptisms come with the expectation that the parents and congregation nurture the baptized infant until they can make their own declaration of faith. It is the duty of the pastor to educate the parents and the congregation, and to keep the church alive, so there are witnesses and teachers available to guide baptized infants through the life of Christ, so they might grow into believers.
For adult baptism, one must understand what they are undertaking. Adults must profess faith in Christ and recognize their baptism represents separation from the secular world. Once one is baptized, they are on the path of Christ and cannot turn back. Through baptism we are cleansed of sin and begin to live towards Christ. Baptism binds all Christians together in our journeys as disciples.
Sacraments - Communion:
Communion is the first and last meal, the point where all are invited to the table, and where we eventually depart to salvation after following Christ to death. Having feasted with Christ and all who come before and after us, communion is a moment out of time in which the world ends, and the kingdom of God begins. Through communion we are continuously reminded of the rebirth that started with our baptisms and leads us to be cleansed of sin each time we come to the table, profess our sins, and reaffirm our commitments to follow Christ and make the church more than the building we hold the feast in. Communion is the gathering point for Christians, the critical moment where we remember Christ’s life, death, and resurrection, and contemplate how, like the disciples, we might continue the feast after Christ has died and been resurrected. Our work is not just at the table. We are renewed at the table to bring all to feast with us and savor the grace and love God wishes all to experience.
While I believe in an open table, I hold my belief in Christ to be greater than my suspicion about human laziness and deceit. I do not believe God or Christ will allow themselves to be profaned or to allow communion to be diminished; consequently, I believe all can be at the table, even if they do not profess faith. The Lord has moved those without faith. Even Judas, who intended to betray Christ, was given a seat at the table. Therefore, the table must be open, so none are denied the opportunity to join the feast and experience Christ’s work. However, while the table is left open, the pastor cannot hold themselves to a low standard, because the pastor is responsible for reinvigorating faith at each communion, so congregations never make the mistake of taking the sacrament lightly.
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